Today, we helped my beloved India pass. I wrote the following this morning because I knew I would not be able to put these thoughts together tonight. Though we knew to some extent that this day was coming, you are never really prepared for its reality.
As I write this, my beloved India is sleeping at my feet. Her breathing is soft, but a little labored. True to her demeanor, her breath is gentle, rising and falling in a steady manner. But each exhale falls like a slight surrender.
Today we will help her pass. It is a difficult decision because every bit of my girl’s life is present in her and luminous. But she’s been in very acute pain the past couple of days, having finally lost the use of both of her back legs quite suddenly on Monday. Putting her weight on her front legs has aggravated the arthritis that never leaves her shoulders. Tuesday, stomach bloat and urinary and fecal incontinence began. She is experiencing high levels of anxiety. Particularly when I am called away from her side. The past two days were afforded to see if she would improve. She has not. We’ve gone decidedly in the other direction. Our vet assessed her yesterday and his prognosis was quick and firm. The reality is that she has traveled a long distance at my side, but I am aware that it is time to let her rest. I recount the details because I am trying to give myself permission to be at peace with letting her go. And it has been extremely hard.