Goodbye, my sweet India. I will love and miss you forever.

Today, we helped my beloved India pass. I wrote the following this morning because I knew I would not be able to put these thoughts together tonight. Though we knew to some extent that this day was coming, you are never really prepared for its reality.

As I write this, my beloved India is sleeping at my feet. Her breathing is soft, but a little labored. True to her demeanor, her breath is gentle, rising and falling in a steady manner. But each exhale falls like a slight surrender.

Today we will help her pass. It is a difficult decision because every bit of my girl’s life is present in her and luminous. But she’s been in very acute pain the past couple of days, having finally lost the use of both of her back legs quite suddenly on Monday. Putting her weight on her front legs has aggravated the arthritis that never leaves her shoulders. Tuesday, stomach bloat and urinary and fecal incontinence began. She is experiencing high levels of anxiety. Particularly when I am called away from her side. The past two days were afforded to see if she would improve. She has not. We’ve gone decidedly in the other direction. Our vet assessed her yesterday and his prognosis was quick and firm. The reality is that she has traveled a long distance at my side, but I am aware that it is time to let her rest. I recount the details because I am trying to give myself permission to be at peace with letting her go. And it has been extremely hard.
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Sightless Pit’s “Resin on a Knife”

I made this. I’m very proud of it. It’s also the first music video I have made for an established act on an established record label. Dylan and Lee, who are the core members of Sightless Pit, are more commonly known for their work with their main groups, Full of Hell and The Body respectively. If you’ve heard my birthday mixes in the last 10 or so years, of have seen me wearing a t-shirt during that same timespan, you’ll know getting to make this was a huge honor for me. Please enjoy.


When I was in high school, instead of collecting signatures in my yearbooks, I’d write down lyrics from songs significant to me that year. It was my way of marking the moment, and remembering where and who I was just then. Several years ago, I started making mixes to mark my birthdays and sharing these mixes with my friends. So it’s my 50th birthday today, and I’m sharing this present with you.